17 Days Left

17 Days Left

May 13 2021

17 Days Left

Hi, it’s me again. To my handful of avid readers (yes, mom, I’m talking to you), I’m sorry for not writing in awhile – if you know St. Gallen at all, you know school hits you like a truck in May. Beginning this month, I started my seventh class of the semester, which is a management course every day from 9:15 am – 4 pm. The class was originally constructed for the Singapore exchange students, but they have recently opened it up to full-time and international students. While I’m learning a lot and making new friends, the class is quite time consuming. I have five exams, two papers and one presentation to prepare for over the next seventeen days.

17 Days Left Images

It’s fine, I’m fine. Yes – I’m a bit overwhelmed, but I’m not writing to complain. Instead, I wanted to admit my own progress. Under very similar pressure last semester, I would’ve came home from a stressful day and had a panic attack, breaking down until I realized how little time I had to finish the rest of my work that night. Suppression followed by even more anxiety. Looking back at it now, it seems ridiculous, but in the moment, the thought of not being perfect at everything felt absolutely terrifying.

Yesterday may have been the longest day of my life. Twelve hours of class and group projects interrupted by news that the pants I left in Prague would cost $130 to be shipped to me. I was also behind on readings from the five other classes I’d been skipping to go to my management course. After finally getting home, I felt my chest tighten. The tears were coming. Instead of collapsing, I walked into my friend’s room – the one I spend every free minute here with who already knew about my day because we blow each other’s phones up when we aren’t together. Tears did occur, but it was because we ended up talking and laughing until we were crying. I left her room feeling relieved for the first time all day, and then I went to make myself dinner – something I would’ve skipped last semester to get more work done. I saved my readings for another night, and somehow the world didn’t end.

Is this what it feels like to balance? I don’t know. I’m sure I can do better, but I do think it’s progress.

I had another epiphany a few weeks ago. I was standing outside of a bar with one of my first friends I made here in St. Gallen, and he told me it was a blessing to have had the opportunity to watch me grow throughout the semester. I wasn’t sure what he meant until he said, beer in hand…

  1. Can anybody help me, I cannot connect to live. The connection fails on the last step off the connection. It connections to my wireless system and then connects to thr internet but fails to connect to.
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“When I first met you, I listened to you explain your life by defending or validating specific relationships or who you were as a person. Now, you can confidently talk about yourself and the people in your life without any ‘buts’ in between. You know what you want and you know your self worth, and I hope to one day get to where you are right now.”

Cue the waterworks (if you can’t tell already, this month has been quite emotional). For someone who is constantly over-analyzing, I was shocked that I hadn’t realized such a huge change, but he was right. Through the ups and downs of traveling, reading and writing, and the conversations I’ve been having with incredible people from all over the world, I’ve been learning more and more about myself. I can recognize myself again, and that’s liberating.

Speaking of people, I’ve realized that it has been those around me who have created every favorite memory I have abroad so far. It’s the laughs and the deep conversations and even the stupid ones that have made this experience for me. Ever since my first trip to Europe when I was twelve years old, I had this dream of studying abroad and seeing the world, and while the scenery has been beautiful and the food to die for, the people I’ve befriended at school, traveled with and met in every city have made my experience – the Singaporeans, Swiss and Germans in my management course, my people from back at home that have met me all over Europe, the hostel workers with crazy stories about past lives, even the random girl on the train that made sure I didn’t miss my stop. I will forever appreciate the unplanned, yet strangely compatible people that just so happen to cross paths with mine.

17 days left till the Great Patriotic War Victory Day. In the last year of the Great Patriotic War the 6 O’clock in the Evening After the War feature.

This concept of crossing paths always reminds me of a podcast I listened to a few months ago about synchronicity, a psychology term Carl Jung defined as an, “acausal connecting principle” introducing the idea that coincidences can occur with no relationship yet seem to be meaningfully related. In other words, everything happens for a reason. Fate. While I’m not particularly religious, this is a concept that has always resonated with me. Almost every person or situation that has occurred in my life has resulted in a lesson, self-improvement or happiness.

17 Days Left

Looking back at my semester so far, this awareness feels realer than it ever has before. I’ve learned so much in such a short time, and I’ve had an absolute blast. These people have come into my life for a reason. I’ve made a life long friend who I will be visiting in California next semester (but still, go cocks). I now have friends from Canada, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Spain, Argentina, Brazil, Romania, Chile, Mexico, Russia, China, Uruguay and Singapore. I strengthened friendships from back at home or school by creating memories we will never forget. I met someone who treats me like I’m the perfect person I’ve always wanted to be.

17 Days Left Till Christmas Pic

While this isn’t my last post (jokes on you I’m actually never leaving), I think it’s important to reflect on the people who have influenced our lives up until this point. Counting the friends I’m leaving here is depressing, but the feeling is often combatted with excitement to see my people back at home. I can’t wait to see my brother and the rest of the family. I’m actually experiencing withdrawal from my best friends. It’s weird that some of them are graduating and I can’t physically be there. As the days are dwindling, there are so many emotions – sadness, fear, eagerness, joy – probably similar to what graduation feels like. In a panic that I may never see these people again, I’ve continuously reminded myself that if I know anything, it’s that friendships are one of the strongest, most meaningful parts of our lives, and even fate can’t split them apart.

17 Days Left

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